Chapter 10: Youth Is As Youth Does

And so it goes....

I've been searching for them for several years now.  The SNL writing crew knows something about staying out of site. Every time I bring up the idea of writing something that pokes barbs at liberals I see a scattering of things into the shadows accompanied by a skittering sound -- kind of like the sound that rats make.  I guess it's just not in their nature.

Too bad.  It's such a target rich environment.  I know it's been a while.  Here's the next installment.

Austin Speed

YOUTH IS AS YOUTH DOES

"Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects.”

-          Lester B. Pearson

The Obama entourage arrived at Americorps headquarters in force and pulled into VIP parking.  The bumper and rear quarter panel on the presidential SUV was being held together with duct tape.  

President Obama and his group got out of the SUV and were greeted by a lineup of Americorps personnel.  The   group was dressed in a mashup of mismatched polo shirts, casual slacks, and an occasional pair of jeans.  One man wore a tool belt.  They were standing at attention, sort of.

A heavyset, elderly woman named Helen Smith introduced herself and welcomed the President and his group.

“Thank you, Helen,” Obama said.  “Is Mr. Gumpferts here today?”

“Uh, no sir, he isn't,” Helen said.  “He's on leave, sir.  We would have called him in, but he is in South America and we couldn't reach him.”

“Interesting.  What is he doing there?” Obama asked.

“Well, Mr. President, he is on vacation with his family.  He is skiing and playing golf I believe.”

“I see.  Do you work for him?”

“Oh, no sir.  I work for Jane Willsap, the Director and Coordinator for Federal Agency Liaison.  She works for him.”

“I see.  Is she here?” Obama asked.

“Uh, no sir, she is not.  She is also on leave.”

“I see.”

“Yes, sir.  She is in Belize,” Helen offered.

“Well, Helen,” Obama asked, “is anyone here from the top level of Americorps management?”

“Uh, well, no sir.  They're pretty much all out in the field or on leave right now.”

“I see,” Obama said.

“This meeting was on pretty short notice, sir.  We're here to help you if we can, though.”

Obama looked at the lineup of Americorps personnel and wasn't encouraged.

“Well, can we go inside and have a meeting, Helen?”

“Oh, yes sir.  The big conference room is available.  We just finished a sexual harassment seminar for our field managers.”

“Very good, Helen,” Obama said.

The two groups walked into the Americorps headquarters building past some displays of young people building houses and fences and teaching in schools.  They were led into a conference room that had about fifteen small folding chairs and a small folding table that would accommodate about six people.

After everyone crowded in and settled down Helen kicked it off.

“Well, sir, what can we do for you?”

“Helen, we're here on a fact finding trip to see how the Stimulus money has helped Americorps deliver better services to its client agencies and to the clinics and school districts you support. According to my tracking sheet we sent about twelve billion in Stimulus money to Americorps to escalate your activities.”

“Twelve billion, sir?  My goodness, that sounds like a lot.  I remember that we recruited about fifty more people this year than last year.  I asked Ms. Willsap to ask Mr. Gumpferts if we could bring in any more people, but she said he was reluctant to do that due to downward budget pressure.”

“Does anyone else here know anything about how the Stimulus money was used here at Americorps?” Obama asked.

The man with the tool belt raised his hand.

“Yes?” Obama asked.

“Stan Gordon, Mr. President.  I'm with maintenance.  I think I know how we used the money here at Americorps.  We were able to get three new ladders and six cordless drills.  Came in real handy.”

“I see,” Obama said.  “Does anyone have anything else?”

Everyone at the table was silent.  They looked around at each other and remained quiet for several long seconds. Finally Helen said, “I think that's all we know right now, Mr. President.  I'll place calls to our managers to let them know what your primary issues are and try to get them to answer the questions about the Stimulus money.”

“Thank you, Helen. I look forward to hearing from them.  Please ask Mr. Gumpferts to call me when he calls in,” Obama said.  “Ladies and gentlemen, it's been a pleasure meeting you.”

The groups shook hands and Obama headed out with his people.  They climbed into the SUVs and drove off. 

“Well, Mr. President,” Biden said, “I think that went well.”

“Thanks, Joe.  David, let's run an audit on them.  I want to make sure that whatever happened to that money doesn't surface with the media.”

“Yes, sir.  Any specific instructions, Mr. President?”

“Yes. I'd like an accounting of twelve billion dollars minus three ladders and six cordless drills.”